Why Women Cannot Be Satisfied By Men

What Should I Drink? Beer Edition (Flowchart)

In conjunction with the amazingly useful, humorous and insightful Sloshspot.com we’ve put together another flowchart to make your decision making that much easier.
Just in time for those wonderful Holiday parties, Eating The Road to the rescue. We figured you may need this one a bit more than the others seeing that you may be a little…ahh, under the influence. Due to that, please use this chart with caution and responsibility. If you have not heeded that advice there is always this wonderful video on how to hold your liquor and here is a list of hangover cures. Also, in maybe one of the most genius Holiday creations ever, here is a Scottish Advent Calendar.
You may also enjoy our other flowcharts:
Fast Food Edition
Chain Restaurant Edition
Cereal Edition
Freezer Aisle Edition

Don’t forget to enter our Christmas Giveaway with over $250 in free swag.

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Romanian pop star caught singing into wrong end of microphone on live TV

The hair was neatly coiffed and his T-shirt and waistcoat had been freshly pressed.

But this unfortunate pop singer gave himself away as a blatant lip-syncher within seconds by singing into the wrong end of the microphone on live TV.

The unnamed singer was appearing on Romanian music show 'Stele-sub-lupa' in a band called Jukebox.

Lead singer from Romanian pop band 'Jukebox' mimes through his appearance with the microphone upside down

Footage of his embarrassing error has become a huge hit on YouTube.
Happily unaware of his major faux pas, he continues to mime into the wrong end of the microphone while the female singers behind him dance and sing.
Male members of the band shuffle in the background as the well-groomed lead singer gestures and grins at the camera - unaware of the career suicide he is in the process of committing.
The band have just launched their first album of original material after having previously released two albums of covers of classic Romanian songs.
Despite last week's clanger the band are known for their live shows in their homeland.

Russian brides before and after makeup

Ugly corduroy skirt brings campus together

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Rarely do fashion faux pas unite strangers for a cause. Well, unless it’s an episode of “What Not to Wear” and the cause is permanently disabling your mom’s wardrobe time machine. Annnyway, a student at New York’s Syracuse University managed to unveil his campus’ caring and accepting side with a simple, clever sign and a smile.
Syracuse junior Chris Pesto was strolling campus last month when he noticed two protestors holding signs that read, “Homosexuality is a sin, Christ can set you free.” Annoyed at the glaring hatred, Chris decided to start a counter protest because, in his words, “I decided that because this woman thought it was okay to make me feel uncomfortable in my home, I would retaliate and make her feel just as uncomfortable, if not more.”
Channeling his inner Stacey London, Chris took note of the protester's outfit, an ankle-length corduroy skirt (gasp!) topped off with a hoodie, and decided to fight fire with fashion. Breaking out the Sharpie, Chris created a sign reading “Corduroy Skirts are a Sin” and stood next the woman. Chris’ sign garnered a slew of chuckles and thumbs up, but, more importantly, drew a crowd of 100+ people who stood in support of gay rights.
Reflecting on the event in a Facebook Note, Chris wrote, “I never expected anybody to come stand by me and support and I appreciate it so much that everyone came! It meant so much and it proved to those ignorant people that we aren’t afraid, and we will put up a fight.”

Employee Leaves 'I Quit' Note Disguised As Mac Alert

Whether leaving on good terms or bad, people have used all kinds of techie ways to share the news that they're quitting, from posting YouTube videos declaring their departure, to Tweeting out their leave on Twitter.
This staffer created a notice designed to look like a Mac alert, then tweaked the wording to make it more situation specific.
See it below:
The wording reads:

The designer you treat like s--t has quit unexpectedly.
Your company and other employees are not affected.

Click Renegotiate to discuss terms for new contract. Click HR to find out how badly you f--ked up.

The note was apparently found on "the company computer after he left," writes TheHighDefinite.

Businessman spends £350k to visit every country on earth in record time (just don't ask to see his snaps)

He spent £350,000 to visit every country on earth in the shortest time possible and thereby earnt himself a mention in the Guinness Book of Records - just don't expect to be thrilled by his pictures.
While businessman Kashi Samaddar, 55, dodged bullets and bombs in some of the world's more unstable countries, and lived to tell the tale, his photographic skills are somewhat wanting as these two examples (below) demonstrate.

Globe trotter: Kashi Samaddar poses for a bizarre picture with a local and a pram in Greenland

That'll be London, then: Mr Samaddar with a friend during his visit to the British capital

He began his epic journey to 194 countries with a visit to Holland in July 2002 and finished his mission in Kosovo in May of this year - six years, ten months and seven days later - with plenty of drama along the way.

 

Mr Samaddar, an Indian national who now lives in Dubai, said of his trip to Afghanistan: 'The hotel where I stayed in Kabul was blown apart an hour after I left my room.
'I have travelled through regions with bullets flying thick and fast all around. It's a miracle I didn't get killed.
'In East Timor, I stayed without food for three days and had to pay a local lad a few hundred dollars for some bananas.
'In Nauru, my flight was cancelled eight times and I had to overstay for one-and-a-half months.'

Missed opportunity: The kind of photo Mr Samaddar could have taken on his visit to the Cook Islands

Considering his feat the snaps he took along the way are a touch underwhelming, many of which feature him in offices and hotel lobbies instead of at top tourist sights.
On his trip to London there are no shots of Big Ben, Tower Bridge, or Buckingham Palace. Instead, Mr Samaddar's souvenir picture is of him standing inside a white office cubicle with a friend.
His photo from the Cook Islands reveals nothing of the country's white-sand beaches or lush vegetation, but shows him sat with friends at a patio table.
And, in a more bizarre turn, his Greenland shot shows him standing on front of a cabin with a baby's pram to one side and a local cheerily raising a can of drink to the camera on the other.

London calling: There's more to the capital than the inside of an office cubicle

The idea for the trip began in 2003 when Calcutta-born Mr Samaddar was left stranded in Johannesburg, South Africa for two days because of visa problems due to his nationality.

As an act of defiance, the businessman promised himself he would travel to all the countries in the world, using his life savings to do so.
Luckily he had an understanding wife, Barnali, who even accompanied him to more than 70 of the countries he visited.
The globe trotting adventurer was determined to complete the whole trip using his Indian passport - despite opportunities to adopt Australian and Canadian citizenship - as he wanted to prove an Indian could travel the world.
He also wanted to highlight the difficulties some nationalities encounter obtaining visas to enter countries - a problem he is very familiar with.
'The most difficult visa to get was Moldova, which took me almost three years with many rejections,' he said.
'The problem isn’t with big countries like America, England or places in Europe, a lot of the time it’s smaller countries who don’t know what they should be doing.'
According to Guinness World Records, any person attempting the trip must take public transport such as scheduled flights, buses, trains and ferries to arrive in countries.
The record-breaking authority also defines visiting a country as 'setting foot within its border'.
It is not necessary to remain in any country for any length of time - perhaps this could go some way to explain Mr Samaddar's opportunistic photos.
As a result of his trip, the Indian national has set up the Travel, Tourism and Peace Initiative, which provides travellers with advice on what documentation they need to enter different countries.

Monk’s curiosity delays flight for 7 hours

The passenger seated at 12-A in Air India’s flight no IC-727 to Yangon, a Buddhist monk who happened to be a first-time flyer, had no idea that simply fiddling around with the safety clutch will cause a seven-hour delay for his fellow passengers here on Monday.

The 135 passengers onboard were strapped in and ready for take-off when the emergency alarm went off.

A curious passenger, seated next to the emergency exit had pulled the safety clutch just as the doors of the flight were being closed, said Air India spokesperson Pulok Mukherjee.

“Since he pulled the safety clutch the emergency window opened and the emergency bells rang,” Mr. Mukherjee said.

According to the Director-General of Civil Aviation (DGCA) guidelines, the passengers had to be de-boarded and a thorough check of the aircraft conducted, he added.

The flight, initially scheduled for 10 a.m., took off at 5 p.m. only after all safety drills were conducted, he said.

“The occurrence of such a situation is rare, but what can you do to prevent such a thing? How can we control it if a passenger sets off an alarm by mistake?” Mr. Mukherjee said.

Amy Winehouse Butt Implants

Has Amy Winehouse signed up for a “bum deal?” According to new reports, the troubled singer is so pleased with her new 32D boobs that she is thinking of having them enlarged again. Not only that, Amy’s also considering purchasing butt implants!
A source told The Sun: “Amy loves her boobs. She can’t stop touching them and showing them off to friends. She says she feels womanly again and wants to be more curvy like she used to be. She thinks by having another op and bum implants that she will achieve her dream pin-up look.”

Oral sex 'common in bats'

Fruit bats regularly engage in oral sex, according to groundbreaking new research published in Science magazine.

 

Fruit bats, getting fruity Photo: PLoS ONE

The study found that more than two-thirds of female short-nosed fruit bats (Cynopterus sphinx) performed fellatio on their sexual partners, and that they were rewarded with longer bouts of intercourse as a result.
Previously, the only animals known to carry out oral sex – apart from humans – were bonobo chimpanzees.

 

However, the study, by Libiao Zhang and his team of biologists from Guangdong Entomological Institute in China, found that female bats were enthusiastic fellators, with 70 per cent performing oral sex on their mate during intercourse.
Science magazine reported: “Both sexes groomed each other during courtship. But then came the shocker.
“After the male mounted the female from behind, she bent over and began licking his penis.”
The research found that the longer a female licked for, the longer the intercourse: on average, a second of fellatio gained six seconds of intercourse. On average, mating lasted four minutes for fellators, twice the average of non-fellating females.
The researchers could only speculate why the females would want longer-lasting sex. They suggested that it could be a way to improve the transport of sperm, or to keep males away from rival females for longer.
Frans de Waal, a primatologist at Emory University in Atlanta and an expert on bonobo chimpanzees, said: "The finding of fellatio in bats is exciting news."
He went on to say that animal oral sex may be more common than we realise, but researchers’ prudery has prevented this fact becoming known. He said: "Part of the reason fellatio is rarely mentioned is shyness about this issue."
Paul Vasey, a behavioral scientist at the University of Lethbridge in Canada, said that there could be evolutionary reasons for fellatio, and that the fruit bat discovery could allow scientists to test it. He warned, however, that the bats could just be doing it for fun.
An MPEG of the bats is available for the curious here.

Brit pupils see live sex show in Bangkok during cultural trip

London: A school in Britain has suspended two teachers after it emerged that some pupils watched a live sex show, while on a Far East cultural trip to Thailand.

The students of Bingley Grammar, West York had apparently visited Patpong red-light district in Bangkok.

The parents learnt about the visit only after one girl posted pics from the trip on her Facebook web page.

A particular snap shows the students aged 16 to 18, and the two teachers sitting around a table littered with beer bottles outside a Bangkok bar.

Now, it has also come to knowledge that later the pupils headed to the city's red light area, whose streets are lined with bars offering sex shows.

Seemingly, the development has created a buzz in the school.

"It is the talk of the school. The teachers, a man and a woman, are fighting for their careers over this because the youngsters were supposed to be in their care," News of the World quoted a source as saying.

The insider added: "They are claiming that the kids did not drink or smoke although that's not what the pupils are saying. But the worst part is that some of them went to the live sex show.

"The kids said it was disgusting, with couples there on stage having sex in a grotty bar. The teachers are claiming it was a mistake and as soon as the action started they left. But that is at odds with what the kids are saying.

"I mean, the Patpong area is not the kind of place where you go by mistake. It's completely in your face and wall-to-wall sex."

Meanwhile, head teacher Chris Taylor revealed that the school, with the assistance of Bradford Council, has initiated an inquiry.

He said: "A potential concern has been raised about activities during the trip. We are treating this with extreme seriousness.

"We will take appropriate action at the investigation's conclusion. It is inappropriate to comment further."

‘Foetus’ removed from man in Manipur

Imphal, Nov. 7: A team of surgeons removed a 6kg foetus-in-feto from the abdomen of a young man at Imphal’s Jawaharlal Nehru Institute of Medical Sciences (JNIMS) during a three-hour operation today.

Foetus-in-feto, known as peratoma in medical parlance, is lodged inside the patient at birth and develops as the child grows.

The condition of 21-year-old Abujam Suraj Singh, a resident of Kokchai of Imphal West, was stable, doctors said.

“The operation lasted three hours and we successfully removed the foetus. We suspect the object to be a foetus-in-feto. Only a laboratory analysis will confirm this. The patient is stable,” Ng. Javan, who was part of the team of surgeons, said.

A team of doctors is closely monitoring the condition of the patient.

Senior surgeon L. Joykumar Singh led the team of surgeons who conducted the operation.

Doctors said the patient was admitted to the institute on November 2 after he complained of a swelling in the abdomen.

A sample of the growth removed from him was sent for a biopsy and the report is expected in three or four days.

Doctors said such cases had been detected in the past but were very rare in medical history.

It was the first time such a foetus was removed in Manipur.

“My son complained of pain when he was working in a private company in Pune about one year ago. I advised him to come back for treatment. He was treated at the Down Town Hospital of Guwahati and came home last month. All the investigations were carried out at the Guwahati hospital,” said the father of the patient, A. Narahari, a farmer.

A large number of people gathered at the male surgical ward of the institute where the patient is kept after the news spread that a man had “delivered a child” at the institute.

Javan said the object removed today had barely developed the limbs, face and head of a child.

‘Iron’ Mike Tyson loses cool when reminded of rape during live TV show

LONDON - Boxing legend Mike Tyson, who became the youngest heavyweight world champion at the age of 20, showed his bad side once again when he got infuriated during a live TV show.

Tyson was jailed for rape in 1992 and shocked the world when he bit a chunk out of fellow heavyweight Evander Holyfield’s ear during a comeback bout five years later.
Sky News Dermot Murnaghan was quizzing Tyson about his spectacular rise to the top of the boxing pile, but their conversation soured when the spotlight turned to his dramatic fall from grace.
At this point Tyson’s manager Jimmy Clyne, who organised his tour of the UK, stormed out of a nearby room and walked up to the set, where Sky News sports editor Lee Wellings headed him off.
“I had to put my hand on his shoulder and tell him it’s fine, Dermot will keep things under control. He came back to the green room and watched the rest of the interview with a face like thunder,” Wellings said.
Murnaghan’s line of questioning clearly infuriated the former boxing champion, and he snarled: “I was a young kid then. I’m 43 years old and you’re still dwelling on something I did when I was 20. What do you want to get from this interview?”
“I don’t know if I am (a different person now) or not. I don’t want to be the person I was but change comes in time. You’re irritating me now. I guess I did change because I’m not assailing you,” The Sun quoted him, as saying.
“You’re irritating me right now because I feel as though you’re evoking stuff from the past - that stuff is from 15 or 20 years ago,” Tyson said. fter the broadcast, Murnaghan admitted he had felt intimidated by Tyson’s confrontational attitude. (ANI)

Brazil man appears at own funeral

A 59-year-old Brazilian man has surprised his family by turning up at his own funeral, local media report. Relatives of Ademir Jorge Goncalves, a bricklayer, had identified him as the victim of a car crash in southern Parana state the previous day. Police told O Globo newspaper that relatives had trouble identifying the corpse because it was badly disfigured. It emerged that Mr Goncalves had spent the night drinking a rum-like liquor called "pinga" with his friends. He did not get word of his funeral until it was already happening on Monday morning, his niece Rosa Sampaio said. She said some family members - including herself and the man's mother - had doubts, but an aunt and four friends had positively identified the body. "What were we to do? We went ahead with the funeral," she told O Globo. A police spokesman welcomed the happy ending: "Before long, the walking dead appeared at the funeral. It was a relief," the unnamed officer told the paper. The body was correctly identified later, he said, and buried in another state.

Faizon Love: No Sock In 'Couples Retreat' Nude Scene

There's a point in 'Couples Retreat' where, as part of a trust-building exercise, the couples take to the beach to strip down to their underwear and awkwardly stare at each other. As heavy-handed comedians would have it, the person you most don't want to see naked isn't wearing any underwear and is forced to bare all.
Faizon Love talked to Uinterview.com about dropping his pants and forgoing the modesty of a cock sock:

Peter Billingsley came to me and said, 'Most actors put a sock or something on [their penis for nude scenes].' There wasn't enough material for a sock for me. And they couldn't fly one in for the weight regulations of the island or something... What was funny was that after we did the [nude] scene, I kept getting gifts from people on the island. They would take a pineapple and coconut and make a 42'' plasma [for me].

WATCH:

US paper seeks pot correspondent

The medical marijuana business is booming in California and Colorado A US newspaper says it has received well over 100 applicants for the post of marijuana critic - many of whom have offered to work for free. The alternative Denver newspaper, Westword, is seeking a writer for its weekly review of Colorado's booming medical marijuana dispensaries. But there is a catch - candidates must have a medical ailment allowing them to enter a dispensary and use marijuana. Fourteen US states now allow the sale of some sort of medical cannabis. 'Stoned' Compensation will be meagre - and no, we can't expense your purchases Westword job posting "Keep in mind this isn't about assessing the quality of the medicine on site; it's about evaluating the quality of the establishment," says the Westword job posting. "After all, we can't have our reviewer be stoned all the time." States like Colorado and California, where medical use is legal, have seen an explosion in the number of pot shops - ranging from upmarket clinics to dingy drugs dens. The dispensaries sell more than a dozen varieties, from White Widow to the less expensive Afghan Gold Seal. Some cost up to $360 (£219) an ounce. But the writer of Westword's Mile Highs and Lows column is expected to focus on the dispensaries, not the drugs. "Compensation will be meagre," says the posting. It says the paper can't pay for marijuana purchases, "although that would be pretty cool."

How to Defuse an Atomic Bomb

Atom Bomb Blast

Since its first use in 1945, the atomic bomb has been something to fear. In all likelihood you will never come across an atomic bomb nearing detonation, and there is an even smaller possibility that you will be the most qualified person to stop it from exploding. If these situations do arise, however, knowing how to defuse the bomb could save hundreds of thousands of lives

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Hazmat Suit (if possible)
• Gloves (if possible)
• Wire cutters (if possible)
• 2 Metal boxes (if possible)

Defuse an Atomic Bomb

1. Step 1
   Start by disconnecting the wires that connect the detonator to the battery or trigger/timer. You can distinguish the timer because it will be counting down. A battery will look just like a battery, no highly evolved science involved. Be careful when doing this step. If the bomb is booby-trapped, it's likely that the trap involves one of the materials discussed in this step. This is why it is almost always safer to involve the authorities if there is enough time.
   
2. Step 2
   Remove the neutron trigger of the bomb. This will either be a small ball or disc made of some highly radioactive material. This is the part that initiates the explosion. It would be a good idea to have on a Hazmat suit or gloves if you have any. Sit the neutron trigger aside. The bomb still has the capability to detonate, but it will not be as bad as it would have.
   
3. Step 3
   Remove the conventional explosion from the bomb. This is the first part of the bomb that explodes if the bomb detonates. If the conventional explosion was created by the government, it is probably safe to handle. If the devise was improvised, however, it could be highly unstable. Move steady and slow.
   
4. Step 4
   Separate the two small chunks of metal (they will be heavy for their size). These are called U-235 masses, AKA an isotope of uranium. If you allow these two chunks of metal to get too close to each other, they will emit high amounts of radiation and may kill anything (including you) in the vicinity. If these chunks are kept apart, they are fairly harmless. They can even be held without gloves, but once again, if you have gloves, wearing them wouldn't hurt.
   
5. Step 5
   Place the chunks into separate metal boxes if you have any. If not, get the pieces as far from each other as possible. If you haven't already called the authorities, do so immediately and let them know the situation.
   

Tips & Warnings

• Call the authorities as soon as possible.
• Be extremely careful. You cannot try again if you make a mistake.
• If there is enough time for authorities to arrive and defuse the bomb, your best bet may be to make the 911 call on your way out of the building, and consequently, the city.
• These steps should only be undertaken if there is absolutely no time for proper authorities to arrive. If there is enough time for authorities to arrive and defuse the bomb, you may be risking lives by attempting to defuse it yourself.

'Ho White and the Seven Dwarves' beer advert angers Disney

A beer advertisment featuring a ranchy version of Snow White has reportedly raised the ire of Disney.

The link to Snow White in the advertisement has reportedly angered Disney. Photo: adelaidenow.com.au

The x-rated advertisement, for Jamieson's Raspberry Ale, depicts the fairytale heroine blowing smoke rings while lying in bed with seven semi-clad dwarves.
In this Disney dystopia, Snow White has been renamed "Ho White", while the loveable dwarves Sleepy, Happy and Doc are rebranded Filthy, Smarmy and Randy - supposedly to represent different types of drinkers.

 

Campaign creators The Foundry claimed the idea was to convince Australian drinkers that the fruit-flavoured beer was "anything but sweet".
However, the advertisement has reportedly angered Disney, the entertainment giant which licenses Snow White.
The Foundry said it had had "a little bit of contact" with Disney over the issue, according to Sydney's Daily Telegraph newspaper.
The Foundry's website had featured pictures of "Ho White" but links to the campaign appeared to have been disabled and the campaign's official website, anythingbutsweet.com, could not be accessed.
Australia's Food Week website speculated that this may be due to a copyright infringement.
Disney, which released the famous animated Snow White feature in 1937, was not immediately available for comment.
However, it is unlikely that the company, which runs the family-friendly Disney theme parks and is known for its cartoon feature films aimed at children, would agree to Snow White's image being used to sell beer.

Bride and gloom: Newlyweds win £1,500 compensation after disastrous wedding photographs ruin their big day

Marc and Sylvia Day don't spend much time flicking through their wedding album.
And looking at these pictures, you can see why.
Heads are chopped off, angles are askew and in many shots you would be hard pressed to spot the bride.

Not-so-happy couple: Marc and Sylvia Day in one of Gareth Bowers' shoddy snaps

Add unfortunate positioning and poor lighting and you have a day that is unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.
If that wasn't bad enough, thankyou cards provided for the newlyweds to send to their guests are emblazoned with their misspelled names.
This was the work of photographer Gareth Bowers from Fresh Images who charged them £1,450 for the privilege.
The results were so dire that the Days sued him for damages.

Enlarge  

Missing something: Mrs Day arrives at church, but the driver has half a head

Do you take this woman as your wife? He might if he could see her

Last week a judge in the county court in Pontefract, West Yorkshire, agreed, saying Bowers's service was 'woefully inadequate'. He was ordered to reimburse the couple £500 and pay £450 damages, £170 court fees and £100 compensation.
Bowers refused to comment after the case. The Days, however, have plenty to say. 'Some of those memories we will never get back again,' Mr Day said.
'He is the Don Quixote of wedding photography - he just doesn't believe that he can't do it.'

Say cheese: But they don't seem to realise it's a formal shot

There goes the bride: But at a rather stomach-churning angle

The Days examined the work of photographers at 11 wedding fairs before choosing Bowers to photograph and video the wedding on August 24 last year.
But the day was one disaster after another.
'The videographer missed us turning up at the reception so he filmed the driver opening the car door with nobody inside it,' Mrs Day said. 'Bowers also missed the cutting of the cake and you can see how angry I'm getting on the wedding video - I even do a psycho slashing knife action, which I can't believe they left in.'
But nothing could compare to the moment the couple sat down to look through the 400 photographs taken. They managed to find a mere 22 they didn't mind too much.

Final insult: 'Thank you' cards provided for the newlyweds by the photographer to send to their guests are emblazoned with their misspelled names

Enlarge  

Exhibit 1: The compiled evidence of the poor photos that were shown to the judge

Why Beer is better than woman!!!

Man grabbing someone elses Ass at his own wedding

Dumb burglar left his Facebook page open on victim's computer

MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.
Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary.
According to court records, Deputy P.D. Ware of the Berkeley County Sheriff's Department responded on Aug. 28 to the victim's home after she reported the burglary.
She told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.
There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.
The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.
The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer.
The two rings were worth more than $3,500, reports indicate.
During the investigation, a friend of the victim told her that he knew where Parker was staying, in the same area as the victim's house.
Police then went to the home and spoke with a friend of Parker's.
The man said Parker had stopped by his home occasionally, but he said the man didn't live there.
He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused.
As of Tuesday evening, Parker remained in custody at the Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bail.
If convicted he faces one to 10 years in prison.

Woman Dies at 99, Leaves Behind 1,400 Descendents

Mrs. Rachel Krishevsky OBM (far right). Photo: Ynet.

JERUSALEM, Israel — The commandment to “be fruitful and multiply” the Krishevsky family follows quite closely. Last Saturday, the great grandmother, Rachel Krishevsky passed away at the age of 99, leaving behind no less than 1,400 children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and even great-great-grandchildren.

Krishevsky got married to her cousin, Yitzhak, just before turning 19. The couple brought seven sons and four daughters into the world. In accordance with haredi custom, Krishevsky brought up her children to see children as a great joy. Her children subsequently adopted her outlook and produced 150 children of their own.

These 150 children continued the commitment to be fruitful and multiply and themselves had no less than 1,000 children. From here, the lineage continued even further, and Rachel Krishevsky was blessed with a few hundred great-great-grandchildren.

Rachel Krishevsky died on Saturday surrounded by loving descendants.

Due to their great numbers, the family is not quite clear on precisely how many descendents there are. “The estimate in the family is that we are about 1,400 people since almost all of those from the family line were blessed with many children,” said one of the grandchildren Wednesday.

Though she lived a full and long life, the family is saddened by Rachel's passing. Krishevsky lived nearly her whole live next to Jerusalem's Mahane Yehuda open-air market.

“Grandma was a God-fearing woman her whole life, and her door was always open to the homeless and poor near the market who were looking for a place to eat,” added the grandchild.

“She knew the entire book of Psalms by heart, and participated in all the family events, happy and sad, up until two years ago. She knew all of her descendents. We are sad about her death, but proud of what she achieved in her life and her righteousness and compassion.”

Though Krishevsky certainly produced many offspring, she did was not a record-breaker. In the haredi sector, there are two well-known cases of living people having great-great-great-grandchildren. One such case is in a Hassidic family living in the Jerusalem neighborhood of Mea Shearim. Another such family is that of Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, the leader of the Lithuanian branch of haredi Judaism. A few months ago, his great-great-grandson had his first child.

Billed for trouble

Staff at a Mexican restaurant got hot-tempered and described a 2-yr-old girl as “littell f***er”.

Craig and Kimberley Cartin found the insult to their daughter Molly at the bottom of the bill after dining at a new restaurant. Frustrated by slow service and poor food, hungry Molly complained.

The couple think her protests triggered the misspelt, comment on the bill, Mirror reports. Craig said, “I couldn’t believe my eyes.

The meal was indifferent but to be abused on the bill is offensive. They may have meant to delete it before printing, but it’s no excuse.”Steve Ryan, owner of Cactus Joe’s said, “The person involved was sacked.” The family was offered a free meal.

Afghanistan quarantines its only pig

Afghanistan -- which surely needs no more frightening concerns -- has amply protected itself from swine flu, ahem, the AH1N1 contagion, by putting the country's only pig in solitary confinement. The farm animal lives in the Kabul Zoo.
That's that, then. And for more on flu hysteria, see Josh's list here.  

I'm not feeling anyhting

Yea, me neither, where'd you get this stuff steve?
A friend of a friend sold it to me, but it hasn't hit me yet, How 'bout you Mike?
HOLY FCUK THAT TREE IS EATING THE SKY!

Urinal protocol vulnerability

When a guy goes into the bathroom, which urinal does he pick?  Most guys are familiar with the International Choice of Urinal Protocol.  It’s discussed at length elsewhere, but the basic premise is that the first guy picks an end urinal, and every subsequent guy chooses the urinal which puts him furthest from anyone else peeing.  At least one buffer urinal is required between any two guys or Awkwardness ensues.
Let’s take a look at the efficiency of this protocol at slotting everyone into acceptable urinals.  For some numbers of urinals, this protocol leads to efficient placement.  If there are five urinals, they fill up like this:

The first two guys take the end and the third guy takes the middle one.  At this point, the urinals are jammed — no further guys can pee without Awkwardness.  But it’s pretty efficient; over 50% of the urinals are used.
On the other hand, if there are seven urinals, they don’t fill up so efficiently:

There should be room for four guys to pee without Awkwardness, but because the third guy followed the protocol and chose the middle urinal, there are no options left for the fourth guy (he presumably pees in a stall or the sink).
For eight urinals, the protocol works better:

So a row of eight urinals has a better packing efficiency than a row of seven, and a row of five is better than either.
This leads us to a question: what is the general formula for the number of guys who will fill in N urinals if they all come in one at a time and follow the urinal protocol? One could write a simple recursive program to solve it, placing one guy at a time, but there’s also a closed-form expression.  If f(n) is the number of guys who can use n urinals, f(n) for n>2 is given by:

The protocol is vulnerable to producing inefficient results for some urinal counts.  Some numbers of urinals encourage efficient packing, and others encourage sparse packing.  If you graph the packing efficiency (f(n)/n), you get this:

This means that some large numbers of urinals will pack efficiently (50%) and some inefficiently (33%).  The ‘best’ number of urinals, corresponding to the peaks of the graph, are of the form:

The worst, on the other hand, are given by:

So, if you want people to pack efficiently into your urinals, there should be 3, 5, 9, 17, or 33 of them, and if you want to take advantage of the protocol to maximize awkwardness, there should be 4, 7, 13, or 25 of them.
These calculations suggest a few other hacks.  Guys: if you enter a bathroom with an awkward number of vacant urinals in a row, rather than taking one of the end ones, you can take one a third of the way down the line.  This will break the awkward row into two optimal rows, turning a worst-case scenario into a best-case one. On the other hand, say you want to create awkwardness.  If the bathroom has an unawkward number of urinals, you can pick one a third of the way in, transforming an optimal row into two awkward rows.
And, of course, if you want to make things really awkward, I suggest printing out this article and trying to explain it to the guy peeing next to you.
Discussion question: This is obviously a male-specific issue.  Can you think of any female-specific experiences that could benefit from some mathematical analysis, experiences which — being a dude — I might be unfamiliar with?  Alignments of periods with sequences of holidays? The patterns to those playground clapping rhymes? Whatever it is that goes on at slumber parties? Post your suggestions in the comments!
Edit: The protocol may not be international, but I’m calling it that anyway for acronym reasons.

20 most bizarre Craigslist adverts of all time

Craigslist, the anarchic classifieds website, has developed a reputation for hosting some of the oddest adverts on the internet.

Drunken clowns, Pope hats and spaghetti bathers are just a few of the things traded on Craigslist

Earlier this year the website agreed to drop its "erotic services" section over claims that it promoted pornography, but otherwise the unmoderated, anything-goes ethos on which its success was built continues.
Below we present a selection of some of the most bizarre adverts, requests and personals listed on the site - from the elderly woman looking for a lodger to live in her bathroom, to the man selling 1,300 Pope hats.
While some were undoubtedly posted as pranks, they still reflect the spirit of a website that proudly keeps itself open to all internet life.
1) Ralph Nader chair
"Yes, that's right. Ralph Nader, perennial Green Party candidate for the U.S. presidency MAY have sat in this very chair! It was used in his Washington, DC campaign headquarters until I purchased it on Craiglist several months ago. It has a nice red, commie upholstery and a sleek black plastic backing. The wheels don't function well, but that is a small price to pay for state control of the means of production."
2) I want some orange juice
"I'll give you $2 + cost if you'll deliver me some orange juice with receipt. I'm too lazy to get it myself. I live right by University Drive in Elon. Thank you."
3) Seeking adult drunk clown for 30th birthday party
"We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink."
4) Duck mask
"Full head rubber mask, old, has discoloration on white feather part from age, storage. Hey I got it on my big head, so it works that way."

5) Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit
"I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner."
6) Wanted: Pony
"My kid is having a birthday coming up soon, and there'll be a lot of children around, so I figured I'd better get a pony. If you do have a pony you could sell, please contact me, and then immediately start putting barbeque sauce in it's bedding or add some Lawry's to it's salt lick - I like to marinade it early and long, so that the flavor is at it's peak by the time I take possession."
7) I have a huge bathroom
"I am a female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money. I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better."
8) Pope hats
"Because of this terrible economy, I'm having to shut down my business. I have OVER 1300 Pope hats (replicas) that I REALLY need to get rid of. The pope hats came from China and are a little too small for most adult heads and are also irritating to the skin, so you would need to have long hair or wear a smaller hat underneath (just like the REAL POPE). Dogs do not like to wear these pope hats, but maybe a large cat or maybe a nice dog would wear one."
9) Need someone to hide easter eggs in my apartment when im not home
"I need someone to hide easter eggs in my apt when i am not there ! They are small and filled with candy! I would like to find them myself on sunday! I am willing to pay! Serious inquiries only!"
10) Free couch, if you can bend time and/or space
"I have a free couch for anyone who can get it back out of my room. It's a comfy couch, cool stripe velvet in great shape, impossibly uncomfortable sleeper, but otherwise easily worth $50-75 bucks in Craigslist land. So why am I listing in for free? Because I am pretty sure it is physically impossible to remove this thing from my second story bedroom down the narrow hallway, down the narrower staircase and out the front door of my little Victorian duplex."
11) I took your purse and felt a connection
"Tuesday night around 11:30. On 53rd btw 1st and 2nd. You came out of the subway and I followed you. You looked over your shoulder, saw me and started walking faster. I ran up, grabbed your arm, took your purse and ran away. I've done many a snatch-and-grab but no one has ever stuck in my mind like you. There was a quick moment when our eyes met that I felt something strong. I think you felt it too. If I wasn't so shy (or so committing a crime) I would have asked your name. I, of course, later got your name from your drivers license. So Jennifer if you'd like to get together for a drink sometime get back to me."
12) Looking for bridesmaids
"So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing."
13) Do you have a small, incontinent dog?
"Or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don't want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know). Please don't try to put them on a cat. It won't work. Trust me."
14) My teeth
"I left my Dentures in your Silverado last night. I gave you my number but did not get yours. Please call me asap. I need my teeth. We met in the parking lot of Margarita Jones. Get back to me asap please. Thank you."
15) Disgruntled American seeks Canadian for political asylum, maybe more
"Are you a lonely, possibly desperate Canadian woman aged 18-50? Tired of trying to find a good man among your flannel clad, Labatt's drinking, moose hunting country men? Willing to take in an American who is fed up with his country? Then I'm the guy for you! Maybe you're a bit overweight or suffer from "Lifelong Ugly Duckling" syndrome. I don't care."
16) Autographed copy of Plato's Republic
"1st edition of The Republic signed by its author. There is of course a reasonable amount of wear and tear, (light highlighting and underlining, dog-eared pages, back cover missing, etc.), but it is in overall good condition considering its age."
17) Ferocious attack kitten
"This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house."

18) Free - international ketchup packet collection
"This is a collection of ketchup packets from around the world. approximately 25 countries are represented here, including japan, finland, estonia, greenland, brazil, and portugal. none of the packets have been opened and they are labeled with their home country. Collection comes in decorative box with ducks on it."
19) Personal texting assistant
"I get 40 - 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only."
20) 300 stuffed penguins
"I'm going through a pretty weird time in my life right now--having just gone through a break-up and graduated college and temporarily living in my parents' house before I move out for good in in the fall, though I remain unemployed because my philosophy degree is at *such* a premium--and sifting through my room (which has become a strange amalgam of my adolescence and burgeoning adulthood), it's been brought to my attention that I probably won't "catch a man" or have anyone believe I'm about to turn 23 with 300 penguins and a bunch of purple furniture around, that looking at my current room one might think some sort of 13-year-old with developmental issues is living here."

 

Hobbits walked out of Africa

THE identity of the tiny human-like creature discovered on the Indonesian island of Flores in 2004 has become clearer -- and more astonishing -- thanks to a new analysis by Australian and Indonesian scientists.

According to a team led by Australian National University doctoral student Debbie Argue, not only is Homo floresiensis, nicknamed the hobbit, not a deformed modern human, as a handful of critics claim, but the small-brained, long-armed biped was the first human-like creature to walk out of Africa.
And it did so nearly two million years ago, roughly 100,000 years before a species most scientists believed was the first migrant. That was a somewhat more modern hominin -- a member of a group including humans and their ancestors -- that was discovered in Dmanisi, Republic of Georgia, variously identified as H.georgicus, H. ergaster or H. erectus.
"We're looking at a very archaic being indeed, one that appears to have gone its own evolutionary way long before our species emerged," Ms Argue said.
She noted that a population of hobbits lived on Flores from roughly 76,000 to about 13,000 years ago, seemingly unbothered by the emergence and expansion of modern humans.
"I think it's incredible that it lived until so recently," Ms Argue said. "Humans came down through Asia but missed Flores. It's lucky that Flores was hard to get to."
The findings, recently reported in the Journal of Human Evolution, back a similar argument made in the journal Science in 2007 that the hobbit's unique wrist anatomy suggested the 1m-tall creature came from a lineage that lived long before the common ancestor of people and Neanderthals.
Previously researchers suspected hobbits descended from H. erectus but had shrunk because of their confinement on an island.
In her study Ms Argue collaborated with discovery team co-leaders Mike Moorwood at the University of Wollongong in NSW and Thomas Sutikna at the Jakarta-based Indonesian Centre for Archeology. With ICA colleagues they compared 60 skull and skeletal features obtained from two individual hobbits to those of hominins, chimps and gorillas.
The technique, cladistic analysis, revealed hobbits probably took one of two evolutionary paths from Africa to Flores. One began 1.66 million years ago, the other 1.9 million years ago.
Three years ago a group headed by the University of Sydney's Richard Wright, including Ms Argue, reported complementary results in Journal of Human Evolution. They used a separate procedure, multivariate analysis, to determine which species the hobbit most resembled, not to tease out evolutionary relationships, as did Ms Argue's team.
Professor Wright said: "Before I did my analyses, I had an open mind about whether H.floresiensis was a deformed modern human or an early hominin.
"My analysis forced me to concluded that H.floresiensis was an early hominin in shape, like well-known fossils of H.erectus.
"So different methods and different data lead to the same result (ancient hominin, not deformed human).
"That's compelling science."

Sheriff Fires Deputy, Suspends Three Others, Over Photo Of Scantily-Clad Waitress

In this photo provided by the Midland County, (Texas) Sheriff, an unidentified waitress at Twin Peaks Restaurant and Bar posses for a photo in Round Rock, Texas, Aug. 10, 2009. Midland County Sheriff Gary Painter fired one deputy and suspended three others without pay for the photos of a waitress holding a rifle sitting on a Midland County patrol car. Round Rock officers were dispatched to the restaurant after someone reported the waitress with the weapon, which had been given to her by one of the deputies who had been attending a training session near Austin. (AP Photo/Midland County Sheriff)

MIDLAND, Texas — An embarrassed Sheriff Gary Painter fired one Midland County deputy and suspended three others without pay after a scantily dressed waitress holding a rifle posed for photographs on the hood of a patrol vehicle. Round Rock officers were dispatched to the restaurant after someone reported the waitress with the weapon, which had been given to her by one of the deputies who had been attending a training session near Austin.
The incident occurred last week in the parking lot of a Twin Peaks restaurant, which promotes its "fun, friendly and sometimes flirty atmosphere!"
The deputies told Painter that they had about three to five beers each.
A fifth deputy who remained inside the eatery got a letter of reprimand.

Afghan wives to go hungry if refuse sex to hubby

London: Afghanistan has enacted a new legislation empowering men of Shia sect of Islam to deny their wives food and sustenance if they refuse to obey their husbands' sexual demands, a media report said on Saturday.

The new final draft of the legislation also grants guardianship of children exclusively to their fathers and grandfathers, and requires women to get permission from their husbands to work, The Guardian reported.

"It also effectively allows a rapist to avoid prosecution by paying 'blood money' to a girl who was injured when he raped her," the report said quoting US charity Human Rights Watch.

In early April, US President Barack Obama and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown joined an international chorus of condemnation when the earlier version of the law legalised rape within marriage.

Although Afghan President Hamid Karzai appeared to back down, activists said the revised law still contained repressive measures and contradicted Afghanistan's constitution and international treaties it is signed up to.

According to the report, the new law has been backed by the hardline Shia cleric Ayatollah Mohseni, who is thought to have influence over the voting intentions of some Shias, who make up around 20 percent of the population.

Karzai has assiduously courted such minority leaders in the run up to next Thursday's election, which is likely to be close, a poll indicated today.

Chinese cops catch identical triplets using one driving license!

Chinese cops in Taizhou, Zhejiang province, have caught a set of identical triplets using one driving license.

The case came to light after Su Wei, one of the three brothers, was caught last Tuesday driving an overloaded truck with a suspicious driving license, which belonged to his older brother.

His lack of confidence prompted traffic enforcers to continue their initial line of questioning.

With his hands shivering, Su immediately confessed that he was carrying his brother''s license.

He also described how he and his brother Si Haiyong always used their elder brother Su Haichang''s license, reports the China Daily.

All three are said to have similar physical appearances.

'Dead' baby wakes before funeral

A premature baby declared dead by doctors at a hospital in Paraguay was found to be alive hours later when he was taken home for a funeral wake.

Jose Alvarenga said he had discovered his son was alive after he heard crying from the box in which he was placed.
The baby is now back at the same hospital's intensive care unit and reported to be in a stable condition.
The head of paediatric care at the hospital said a doctor had not properly checked the infant's vital signs.
"This is a very unusual case," Ernesto Weber told the AFP news agency, adding that an investigation into the incident would be carried out.
A doctor who works at the hospital's maternity unit said staff had tried to revive the baby for an hour before declaring him dead.
"His pulse was so low that it was undetectable," Aida Notario said.
According to medical records, the baby weighed only 500g (17.6oz).
The smallest on record was an American baby who weighed just 280g (10oz), born at less than 22 weeks.

Kamloops yoga instructor told his shorts are too short

 

Mohd Abdullah in a pair of his short shorts, which have led to complaints.

Photograph by: Handout photo, The Province

A taste for short shorts has landed a Thompson Rivers University lecturer in hot water with Kamloops City officials, who say his outfits are too revealing for the city's largest recreational complex.
Mohd Abdullah, a pilates and yoga instructor who also teaches computer science at TRU, says he's been warned twice by officials at the Tournament Capital Centre that the shorts he wears when working out there are too short.
But the 48-year-old has refused to heed the warnings -- and says he'd rather rescind his membership at the centre than toss out the six to eight pairs of short shorts he owns, one of them purchased from a Montreal Wal-Mart in 1997 for $5.
"I think it is discriminating and at the same time, I think it is a double standard," he said. "Here you have women that are wearing shorts that are half my size and with, excuse my lingo, the boobs half falling [out] -- and that's acceptable."
Clint Andersen, sport development supervisor with the City of Kamloops, said there have been a series of attire-related complaints lodged about Abdullah since he began working out a year ago.
They have centered on the length of Abdullah's shorts, as well as their "looseness" and revealing nature, he said.
Andersen said Abdullah keeps wearing them despite the warnings, the most recent on Wednesday.
When asked what actions the centre will take if Abdullah continues to ignore the requests, he said: "I'm not going to speculate on something that is not a reality."
Andersen said a "user guidelines sheet" posted inside the centre offers a rough outline of what's acceptable to wear.
"It definitely doesn't get into specifics, nor do we want it to get into specifics -- because the last thing we want to be is attire police," Andersen said.
Meanwhile Abdullah, who said he's getting moral support from his wife and colleagues at the university, is prepared to take his shorts elsewhere if necessary.
"I'm not going to change my style, not when I'm half a century old," he said. "I'm just going to keep wearing what I wear."