You Know You’re Getting Old When…


…going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

…your lover mentions going up stairs to have sex and you reply, “I can’t do both sweet-cheeks.”

…it’s the doctor and not the cops telling you to slow down.

…a hot chick walks by your house wearing a bikini and your pace maker opens the garage door.

…”getting lucky” means no accidents on the way to the bathroom.

…you don’t care where your spouse goes, just so long as you don’t have to go with.

…people check for a pulse when you take a nap while watching a movie.

…you are dating someone half your age and you aren’t breaking any laws.

…you sing along with elevator music.

…your ears are heavier than your head.

…you enjoy hearing about your friends operations.

…you bought the “extended cable package” for the weather channel.

…you get in a heated argument about your pension plan.